Post 3 of 10 before the end of 2017. Ten moments with a few words (and a few Easter eggs) to share how I feel about the year I have just lived.In no particular order because I don't play favorites (yes I do).
Spoiler Alert: You are your own worst enemy.
You already knew that, I'm sure. Roll your eyes and pretend you've got it figured out real quick and then come back and read the rest. This photo (by Keith) is from the 4/20 edition of Cucci's Spooky Weed.
The chance to perform at what I consider one of the best shows of the year was an honor. I practiced my two spoken word lip-syncs to the point where I could take breaths with the track.I tried something new with my makeup and got some new hair. Halfway through my first number the track stopped. WHAT? OK. Fine. Move on to the next and probably no one noticed.Round 2. It happened again.After the show, I wasn't met with the congratulations I hoped for. A wave of "what happened?" crashed on top of me. Remember, nothing in life is ever your own fault. It had to have been sabotage, right? Cucci ruined my numbers. There was no other answer.I was heartbroken. I was also very wrong. It was my own fault that the tracks were incomplete.
I dig into my head like this often. My method for climbing out is to exaggerate my thoughts until they're hilariously unrealistic. This is exactly what I should have done that night. I should have taken a moment to blow it out of proportion. Cucci wanted my numbers to go poorly because she needs to be the best and I was slaying it and there is probably a producer from drag race here who wants to sneak into the dressing room and throw my body in a suitcase to fly me out to LA for season 11 immediately so I could spend time avoiding vulnerability and hiding behind a character. That would have put me back in my place.
The next time I performed the Hepburn monologue it was met with laughter. I was slightly offended because I thought of it as a very strange and serious piece. How was that not getting across to them? It was the next time I did the monologue that I realized a drag queen telling the story of newly hatched sea turtles racing to the sea while birds hovered and swooped to attack cannot be taken seriously.Once again I laughed at myself.